More Better English

Study these word definitions - there could be a pop quiz at any time.

Abdicate—v., to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

Balderdash—n., a rapidly receding hairline.

Bustard—n., a very rude bus driver.

Carcinoma—n., a valley in California, notable for its heavy smog.

Circumvent—n., the opening in the front of boxer shorts.

Coffee—n., a person who is coughed upon.

Esplanade—v., to attempt an explanation while drunk.

Flabbergasted—adj., appalled at how much weight you have gained.

Flatulence—n., the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

Gargoyle—n., an olive-flavored mouthwash.

Internet—n., the web of interns in which Ken Starr has tried to snare Bill Clinton.

Lymph—v., to walk with a lisp.

Macadam—n., the first man on Earth, according to the Scottish bible.

Marionettes—n., residents of Washington, DC, who have been jerked around by the mayor.

Negligent—adj., describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.

Oyster—n., a person who sprinkles his or her conversation with Yiddish expressions.

Semantics—n., pranks conducted by young men studying for the priesthood, including such things as gluing the pages of the priest's prayer book together just before vespers.

Testicle—n., a humorous question on an exam.

Rectitude—n., the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before s/he examines you.

Willy-nilly—adj., impotent.


Arkonbey said...

Ha! I just heard the abbreviated list on the Car Talk podcast.

Sort of a version of Sniglets.

Don Snabulus said...

Those are great! When I was a kid, Boy's Life magazine had something similar called daffynitions and, as luck would have it, Wikipedia has an entry for it.

ladybug said...

I've got another "daffinition"-
Aunt Flo - the monthly visitor most women would love to send packing!

Pandabonium said...

Arkonbey - Car Talk is part of our Sunday morning ritual. Just a coincidence...

Don - I remember "daffynitions" too. There are some good ones on that wikipedia page. thanks.

Ladybug - I think most men are with you on that.

Martin J Frid said...

Pundabonium - n., a funny panda with a trombone ;)

Pandabonium said...

Thanks Martin. Keep a loose slide.

Lrong said...

Receding hairline? Did someone mention my name?

Peceli and Wendy's Blog said...

Very funny list.

The Moody Minstrel said...

This is a nice break from the usual dark.

gus said...

Can someone get me my coffee now...

Thank you.

Pandabonium said...

Lrong - I'll never tell. ;^)

Wendy - Thanks. I stole it all myself. ;)

Moody - it's good to smile these days.

Augus - good to hear from you! You are back blogging I see.

Peceli and Wendy's Blog said...

Did you hear about the hurricane in Fiji, going through Vanua Levu East side and Taveuni. Called Cyclone Tomas and a huge one, likened to Hurricane Bebe in 1972.

Pandabonium said...

Wendy - thanks. No I didn't. Been asleep at the wheel in a manner of speaking. I'll check into it.

HappySurfer said...

LOL! Thanks for the laugh..