2006/06/28

Major al-Quesa Arrest Announced

Last July, Pacific Islander brought you news of the al-gebra arrest involving weapons of math instruction.

Now, there is more breaking news in the war on The Bill of Rights terror. Ronald McDonald has been apprehended today by Federal Marshals acting on a tip from an al-Quesa member held in Guantanimo. McDonald is being detained for questioning about his connections to the al-Quesa network in which he is said to play a pivotal role. He is accused of being the mastermind behind a decades-long scheme that is global in scope. The unnamed al-Quesa informant repeatedly referred to McDonald as "the Big Cheese" of the organization.


While details of the conspiracy are still a bit sketchy at this point, it is known that McDonald and other al-Quesa operatives have been engaging in a campaign to contaminate the food supply of the industrial and developing world with huge amounts of substances linked to hypertension, coronary heart disease, type-2 diabetes, osteoarthritis, cancers, and stroke. Their activities have already resulted in large numbers of premature deaths and billions dollars in unnecessary medical costs and lost productivity. In addition, the plot diverts grain from hungry people the world over causing even more suffering. Other charges relate to increased green house gas emissions from animals, contamination of ground water, sabotage of solid waste management systems, and additional destruction of rainforests by al-Quesa linked ranchers.

The eccentric billionaire, who most people mistakenly believe to be a fictional marketing character, is known for dressing up as a clown and luring children away from healthy sports activities in public parks by offering them sweets and toys.

Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff told this reporter, “Al-Quesa is a much larger and more organized group than al-Qaeda and is considered far more dangerous due to the super size of its activities and the fact that its members are accepted by the unsuspecting public as ordinary, even friendly, business people.”

5 comments:

The Moody Minstrel said...

I noticed there has suddenly been a drastic decline in the number of hits on this site. Usually it is in the realm of thirty to forty during a 24-hr. period (i.e. twice as many as I ever get)(:-(). Tonight there are only six. That's bizarre.

Is someone blocking you?

Pandabonium said...

It's that cursed al-Quesa!

Well, that and I have been rearranging a few things on the sidebar and had the counter turned off for a couple of days.

dskduwre - the crap that piles up on my desk until I file it or shove it off the edge.

John Negroponte said...

Careful Pandabonium, we're keeping an eye on you.

Robin said...

Sorry Sorry, I have just undertook a big nightmare project and didn't come to your blog.

Mcdonald got arrested, OMG.. what abt my Big Mac?

Pandabonium said...

No apology needed. I thought it was something I said. Glad to have you visit when you can.

Sorry about the Big Mac, though, that is now labelled a "weapon of mass destruction".