At a morning press conference, Attorney General Alberto R. Gonzales said he believes the woman is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement. She is being "questioned" in Gauntanimo pending charges by the FBI which could include carrying weapons of math instruction.
"Al-Gebra is a fearsome cult," Gonzales said. "They desire average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute value. They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns', but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with co-ordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'there are 3 sides to every triangle'."
When asked to comment on the arrest, George W Bush said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, he would have given us more fingers and toes."